Living For The Moment

God, or something else up in the clouds, has been testing me recently.

Over the past 2 weeks: I lost my job, found out my grandfather was in the hospital while I was on my vacation to California, and had to come home early. He passed away in his sleep on Saturday, March 27th 2010.

It makes me so sad to think about it. I didn't have too much of a relationship with the man. Every time i saw him it was: "L-Squared! You've gotten so tall! Glad to hear you're reaching for your dreams." Aside from seeing him every passover, I got 2 checks in the mail from him annually, and they were never more than $15 dollars. All of this aside, the man has had a profound influence on my life. He was a songwriter, and i grew up with his songs in my home. To those that do not know, I am a songwriter and composer, and I have this amazing man to thank.

In 24 hours.. my grandfather's life changed entirely. Although he had Alzheimer's disease, a week prior to his death the man was able to go out to lunch and could hold a conversation (even though most of the time it didn't make sense). In 24 hours, my grandfather contracted pneumonia and became a vegetable. Going through this has changed my life entirely, and the way that I think about living.

Most people in our generation are really fearful. They've been hurt and build up walls to protect themselves. I've been that person many times in my life. Kids on the playground would make fun of me, and i got hurt so often that I just stopped speaking in class. This lasted up until my sophomore year of college. I didn't have opinions, and I might as well have been a vegetable. I wasn't a person.

If theres anything i've learned, especially going through this situation with my grandfather, it is this: live with no regrets. You could die tomorrow. What if you never told the person you're seeing how much you cared about them? What if you never stood up to the person that ruined your life? I never want to spend my life thinking "what if!" These walls that have been built over years of pain, will only continue to cause you more pain as long as they are in tact. I am going to do my best to rid myself of these walls, do what I want to do, and love like I have never loved before. I wish more people in our generation could follow this; we would be much happier human beings.

Remember to break down your walls, they will only hold you back from true happiness.

~L-Squared